On Sunday nights at church, I'm in a class called "The Mission: Joining God in His Work." This past week we talked about how Jesus suffered & sacrificed. Jesus suffered physical suffering on the cross as a necessary part of reconciling humanity with God, but He also suffered loneliness (He was different from everyone around Him, including His family); anonymity (He spent His life overlooked & unnoticed); rejection (throughout His ministry & even at His death by His closest friends and those He came to save); and scorn (He was criticized, slandered, mocked, beaten, spat upon, wrongfully accused, and hung on a cross). Despite all this, He didn't retaliate... I don't think I would do the same in that situation. I'm quick when I'm hurt to hurt others back. But Jesus was silent against His accusers.
Our lesson says: "Jesus was never granted a pass from suffering. He endured all the pain and indignity common to human life in our world, not to mention the spiritual torment included with carrying the full weight of our sin. Yet, Jesus demonstrated His power by passing through His suffering in victory--and His example inspires us to strive for the same."
Being a Christian doesn't exclude us from suffering. In fact, the Bible promises that we will suffer. However, suffering here on earth is temporary.
"...If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me will save it. What is a man benefited if he gains the whole world, yet loses or forfeits himself? For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory..." Luke 9:23-26
Jesus also sacrificed Himself on the cross. The cross was a sentence of ultimate sacrifice. One He willingly chose to carry in unwavering obedience to God.
Jesus also calls us to sacrifice. Specifically to sacrifice our possessions, our relationships, our plans, and our positions.
Possessions: God doesn't forbid us from having things, but God must have first place in our hearts. If He calls us to get rid of possssions & wealth, then we have to be able to part with those. For me personally, a possession I struggle with (along with a lot of people I'm sure), is my phone. I was thinking today what are the 3 material items I would grab if my house was on fire: 1) wedding ring 2) photo albums / journals 3) phone. It's so hard for our phones to not be beside us at all times. When we lose or misplace or phone, or it's broken, we try to do everything we can to find it or get it fixed. Do we spend that same time & effort with our relationship with God when it's broken? Do we spend more time on the phone or with God / other relationships. I know I'm guilty of being on my phone instead of spending time with family, friends, & alone time with God. Also, along with material possessions is money... A big one for a lot of people. Are we willing to do with our money what God leads? Are we willing to tithe, support ministries, pay it forward, give to those in need, etc. I feel like Jake & I have both grown tremendously in this area (but we still have a long way to go). We no longer agonize over giving like we tended to in the past (and that was when I was working a full time job). God had always provided & He has always taken care of us. When I suddenly had to stay home with Madison, we had no idea where the money to pay the bills & survive was going to come from. But somehow things always worked out. We continued to tithe & God provided.
Relationships: The lesson says, "God will have no rivals for our affection... Those who would stand in the way of God's interests in our lives or try to discourage us from obeying Him are to be denied the authority to dictate our direction." Honestly, this one scares me. I know there are times that I put my family, and Madison especially first. Not intentionally or out of spite, but because I feel like I don't have a choice. Add to the equation a special needs child with doctors appointments, therapies, procedures, etc. and being a parent takes a lot of my time. However, I want God to be first. Priorities should be God first, spouse second, and children third. I know a lot of times personally, those can be mixed around in a different order... And it doesn't need to be that way. If I keep God first, my other relationships will be better & stronger.
Plans: This is the one I struggle with the most. Everyone who knows me knows I am a planner, and when those plans change course, it throws off my day. When things don't go as planned, I don't like it and I have a hard time changing plans once I have them set. From the lesson: "There will be times when following Christ requires us to sacrifice our plans in favor of God's plans. He reserves the right to change any of our plans, including family plans, vacation plans, education plans, retirement plans, financial plans, and even our lunch plans...We submit our intentions to Him each day, surrender our way of doing things to His way, and submit our ambitions & future goals to Him." I know that since I've been married, my plans have drastically changed especially with my job & my child.
Before Madison was born, I had an ideal picture in my head of what her life would look like. She would be born in the hospital with no issues & I would have an easy recovery. She would be greeted with family & friends in our room where I had monogrammed cookies & gifts for those who came to visit. We would go home soon after to our happy, perfect life. She would hit her milestones before all her peers, she would be reading when she was 3 like me, she would already be becoming a star athlete by Kindergarten & be at the top of her class in school. Instead things have happened differently. My plans were drastically changed. I had an emergency c-section shortly after being induced because the cord was wrapped around Madison's neck. She wasn't breathing after birth, and she was whisked away to the NICU while I got stitched up and sent back to my room. I didn't get to hold her until almost 24 hours after she was born. She spent 15 days in the NICU. So instead of spending time & bonding with my child at home while recovering from a c-section, I was constantly on the road, or sitting in the NICU, or the waiting room. We came home & things weren't easy. Madison threw up (projectile) after almost every feeding. We fed her on a strict schedule constantly recording her intake & ounces. At 6 weeks old she had her first hospital stay, with a scary diagnosis of UTI, pneumonia, and possibly meningitis. She was poked, prodded, constant blood drawings, spinal taps, and went home with a picc line where Jake & I had to mix up her antibiotic and administer it to her. She's slept with oxygen because of sleep apnea, had multiple seizures where she stopped breathing, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy & had multiple procedures. She's over 3 & maybe has 75 words she says, doesn't speak in sentences, and doesn't sing songs.
I say all that to say this... Madison's life & our lives because of that is drastically different then I planned. But my ways are not God's ways. He is so much bigger then I can even wrap my head around. And even though my plans changed & I don't have an answer why things have happened like they have... I have learned more about God in the past 3 years then I have my entire life. I'm also not saying that God caused all this to happen, but I do know that He is using this for His glory & that He has a special plan for my sweet, strong, brave little girl. We have had to hit rock bottom and come to a place where we had no choice but to surrender this situation & Madison to Him. There is no way I can navigate the situations we have been in & what the future holds alone. He has been my strength, provider, comforter, healer, and so much more. I can't see the big picture, but He already has our lives planned out. I just have to surrender & trust in His plan.
I can't place limitations on Madison - she has progressed & is doing so well. She's riding a tricycle, running, hopping, pretend playing, dancing, cheering, and sweetest of all - saying her prayers. And I also can't place limitations on God. The sky is the limit, and I want to be obedient & let Him lead. Struggles in this world aren't something to be ashamed of or discouraged about. God is at work in our struggles and suffering & He uses them to spread the Gospel to those who don't know Him and to strengthen others to speak up about Him. Whatever God allows to come upon you, He also determines what it's use will be in drawing others to Him/His purposes.
