Richmond / DC Trip

Memorial Day weekend Jake, Madison & I went to Richmond, VA to visit my cousin Jessica and her husband, Jeremy. We were so excited to get to spend some time with them & to have a weekend away. I was unsure how the 9-10 hour drive in the car would go with an almost 3 year old, but Madison did really well!

We were spoiled, pampered & cooked for by our amazing hosts & we had a great time! We explored downtown Richmond one day and took a walk along the James River and the canal. Later that day we did some shopping, ate dinner, are were surprised with a couples' massage! The next day we drove up to Washington D.C. and walked around / explored the city. Madi (and Jake & I) had our first Metro ride. We went to the Museum of Natural History - Madi loved the big elephant that is in the lobby, but wasn't very impressed with anything else. We hit a lot of the major highlights like the Capitol (from a distance - it was under construction), the Holocaust Museum, the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, the White House and more! We walked about 8 miles that day!

Our last day in Richmond we just spent time with Jess & Jeremy and had a cookout. Madison got to play at the park & in a little swimming pool. We had a wonderful time & below are some of our pictures!

Freezer Meals

At First Baptist, we have a ministry called Caring Community Ministry. The purpose of this ministry is to support foster families that are a part of our church family, as well as to minister to foster families in the Portland area. A big part of this ministry so far has been helping with meals. I wanted to share a couple of ways that we have organized meals, because they are great things that I hadn't heard of (or thought of) previously. They can be applied to anyone you are organizing food for (new baby, illness, loss, or just to help out / show your love). 

One of the first tools we have used is www.takethemameal.com. This website is awesome! You can set up a meal schedule for someone & anyone you want to share it with can access it by entering in the recipient's last name & password you come up with. You enter the recipient's address, contact information, and the days you want the meals scheduled for. You can also add information on the number of people to prepare for, any allergies, special instructions, likes/dislikes, etc. It makes it so easy to organize meals & everyone can see what dates are taken or still open. You can also put in the food you are taking so the recipients don't get the same food over & over. 

One of the other things we have done is prepared freezer meals. These are meals you put together in a gallon ziploc bag, label with instructions, and put in the freezer. The day before you want to make the freezer meal, you put it in the fridge to thaw, and the morning of just throw everything in the crockpot. Super easy & convenient for those you are taking food for. See pictures below. Getting together with some of the women from my Sunday School class to put together these meals was a lot of fun. We spent time together, listened to worship music, and had so much joy in being able to prepare these meals for others. I'm also posting pictures below of the recipes we used. Enjoy!

My Prayer for Madison

On this Mother's Day, I've had a chance to look back on pictures & reflect on what my journey as a mother has looked like over the past three years. It's been HARD. Being a parent is an extremely difficult job. There are a lot of days that I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and I don't do a good job of hiding that. There are days where I feel like superwoman & like I may be actually getting a hang of this mom thing. On the good days & the bad though, I am so thankful for those people that God has placed in my life to help encourage me on this crazy roller-coaster ride. Their prayers, words of affirmation, and hugs always come at a time that I need them & help me remember that I have been called to this. God has a special plan for me as a mother, and a plan for Madison's life. As I continue on this journey, I pray that God helps me to remember that in His strength and wisdom I will succeed in my calling as a mother.

The sermon today at church was about how to pray for our children. The passage Dr. Garland preached on was Deuteronomy 6:1-9. The verses that spoke to me this morning the most were 5-9:


"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."


Dr. Garland spoke of the importance of praying for our children. He gave us a few ways that we can pray for our children, and a couple really stood out to me as things that I need to be doing. Keeping a prayer journal or writing down my prayers for my child to give her... Praying over my child... Turning my worries into prayers... and teaching about the Lord by being a faithful follower of Christ.


I have been writing this blog in order to print off what I write to give to Madison one day. I already have a couple of books printed off that I am keeping to give to her. I wanted to write out a prayer I have for her as something that she can have. I want her to know that I pray for her... not only for what we are dealing with & going through today, but for her future.


Father, I thank you today for the precious gift that you have given me in Madison. I thank you for entrusting me to care for her. I know that she is not mine, but she is Yours. We have dedicated her to be set apart for you. Lord, she has already had a hard life in the short three years that she has been in this world. She has faced many struggles, obstacles, and challenges. I know that she will face many more in the years to come, however, I know You hold her future in Your hands. I know that You have a special plan for this amazing little girl's life. Help me to teach her that she is strong & she need not be afraid because You hold her future. I know that I tend to worry about her health, her challenges, her future... but I ask you God to enable me to place my sweet little girl in the arms of Jesus rather than to worry about her. I want to turn my worries into prayers, because You are in control. A verse that has given me strength & peace in my times of worry is Philippians 4:6-7... "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."


Lord, I want to fill my daughter's heart with love for you. I pray that she love You with all her heart, mind, and strength. (Matthew 22: 37-40) I pray that she will grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with man. (Luke 2:52) God I pray that You will guide me to train her up to live for You. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." I pray that You will give me wisdom to teach her biblical values, and that these values will stay forever in her heart. I pray that You will guide me to be a Godly role model for her. (Proverbs 31:10-30) I also pray that I can teach her that God's beauty is within her, and that who she is in Christ is worth far more value than that of her outside appearance, the job she has, how much money she makes, or anything else that the world places so much value on. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)


Father, I pray for Madison today that she will come to know you. I pray that she will have a relationship with You & know You as her Creator, Savior, Father, Lord, and Provider. I know that You have a special plan for Her life. I pray that she will seek You, and that she will be obedient to what You have called her to be. I pray for her and the impact that she will have for Your kingdom. I pray for her to have Godly friends as she grows up. I pray that you will surround her with friends that love You, and that will help her as she seeks You & Your plan for her life. Lord I also pray for her future husband & his family. I pray that You bless them, and I pray that her future in-laws are praying for her already as well.


I pray for protection for Madison. I pray that You will keep her safe, and free from harm. Lord I pray that you will heal her body. I pray that her communication & speech skills will improve and that she will be able to express her needs & wants. I pray that you will correct her balance issues & help her to be able to run, jump, and play as a normal child. I pray that you will protect her from having any more seizures, and that she will be able to come off of her seizure medicine as she grows. I pray that you will heal her kidney reflux & keep the one kidney that she does have healthy. I thank you for the progress that she has made, and the progress that she continues to make every day.


I pray that Madison will know how much she is loved by her daddy & me, her grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins and other family members, our family friends, our church family at First Baptist Portland, her grandparents' church families, her doctors, her therapists, and everyone that she comes in contact with. She is an amazing, beautiful little girl, and I pray that her story is being used for Your glory.


Madison, "May the Lord bless you and protect you; may the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; may the Lord look with favor on you and give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

"...cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

This has been a tough week already. Yesterday Madison had an appointment at the Child Development Center at Vanderbilt, and today she had her testing for the developmental Pre-K with the school system.

I've been anxiously looking forward to the appointment at the Child Development Center because with everything that has gone on with Madison, it feels like we have a whole lot of things that are going on, but there isn't really anything cohesive to bundle it all together. (besides her genetic abnormality... but we don't know besides her having one kidney what is attributed to that versus what could have happened regardless). Here's a picture I took when I was filling all the forms out for this appointment that shows everything medically she's been through or been diagnosed with. (Side note:  they gave me 2 lines for all this information, and I had to use a whole sheet of paper).

I've been struggling with wanting to have some kind of diagnosis that can help us get her the services she needs, but on the flip side not wanting there to be anything they can say because I don't want her to have that label.

At her appointment yesterday, after going through Madison's medical history, my concerns, and observing Madison, the doctor we saw diagnosed her with cerebral palsy & ataxia (which is basically uncoordinated fine & gross motor movements). She also thinks she could have apraxia (but wants a speech pathologist to officially diagnose that), and she thinks Madison could have a mild case of Autism. Her speech therapist said that we will keep a watch on the apraxia, but that she wouldn't diagnose a child until they were 3 or 4 at the earliest. Regardless, we do know that she still needs a lot of help with her speech & communication.


When she said autism yesterday, my heart sank & I did get upset. I wouldn't say that I'm a negative person, but I do tend to look at things with the worst-case scenario in mind. I want to be prepared for what could happen & hope for the best so I'm not disappointed or shocked when something bad does happen. I have known that autism was a possibility, but everyone we have talked to doesn't see that with Madison, so I wasn't prepared at all for her to say that & it threw me for a loop. With that being said, she has not been diagnosed with autism. We have an appointment on June 9th with the psychologists at the Child Development Center to do further testing & observation to see what they think.

Last week, we thought that we had a good plan going forward & that Madison would be able to just continue with private speech therapy once she turned 3 and that we could possibly get OT & PT through the school system if she qualified. We had a good plan as far as how we would pay for the private speech therapy because right now our insurance does not cover it. With the appointment yesterday, it looks like Madison will need to continue with speech, OT, and PT. Jake & I will do whatever it takes to get her the help she needs, but the realization of that & the stress of how are we going to pay for this hit me right after I realized what all the doctor said at the appointment. Yesterday afternoon I just had a break down. I think I sat in the recliner & cried, prayed, talked on the phone for about 3 hours.

I was stressed, worried, concerned, scared... how are we going to do this? What are the next steps? Where do we go from here? I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I do have a special needs child & she is likely going to be in special education for the foreseeable future. How do I protect her? I know how mean kids (and even adults) can be. Thoughts are going through my mind & not only was I scared & sad... I was mad. As I was praying all I kept asking God is when is this going to get easier? Why does Madison have to go through these things? Why do we keep getting the floor ripped out from under us when we start to think things are looking up? But you know what, God wants us to come to Him with all our burdens. It's ok to ask "why?" It's ok to feel pain, hurt & not understand what the bigger picture is. Because we can't see the bigger picture - but God does. He has had a plan from the beginning for Madison, before I even knew that she would be my child.


"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:5


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11


Worry is a sin. It is the result of not trusting that God will do what He says & not having the faith that He will take care of you. This is one of my struggles. It is so hard for me to give up control & to not try to fix everything myself. Does it mean that we can't ask God why things are happening & pour out our hearts to Him? Absolutely not. My relationship with God is just that - a relationship. For any relationship to grow, you have to communicate. Communication & relationships aren't always rainbows & sunshine. There are hard times & struggles, and God wants us to come to Him with all of our cares, hurts, sorrows, struggles as well.


"...cast all your care upon him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7


"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4: 6-7


A dear, sweet friend of mine sent me these words this morning...


"You are grieving loss. It's ok to do that and to allow yourself to grieve. You have this idea of how things will turn out for your kids, and when someone throws you a curve ball with a bunch of diagnoses you feel like that person or results that you dreamed about died. You have to redream the dream. Your baby girl is a delight and she will be forever loved by her peers and their families. Don't stress over the Special Ed stuff. You may choose to homeschool or put her in private school. The possibilities are endless. The beauty is, you don't have to know any of that today. Today you get up and you thank God that she can walk, love, cuddle, and accept your affection. You don't get wrapped up in the labels and you ask God how to use her & your story to bring Him glory. He will make Madison's paths straight & yours too. She will grow into a young lady that loves Him & that is all that matters. If she never plays soccer or volleyball... who cares. If she keeps a sweet innocence about her that shouts I am filled with the Holy Spirit... now that my friend is value. You do not know how God will use this, but with your gifts and obedience to the Lord it will be big. It will be exciting to see it all unfold."


WOW... what an amazing word from my sweet friend. God used her this morning to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.