Turning Point

I started my first "big girl" job at Fruit of the Loom in June of 2009. I was an Associate Customer Business Manager (a.k.a. Account Manager) for Kmart. I enjoyed the amazing people I got to work with, and I like to think that I was good at what I did. I had a wonderful boss & co-workers... when I found out I was pregnant with Madison they were there for me through my entire pregnancy. My "fruit friends" were a great support system for me through the challenges Jake, Madison, & I have faced during Madison's short time in this world.

I'll get into what all has gone on with Madison in a later post, but for now I want to focus on December 27, 2012.

Madison constantly had fluid in her ears & was having difficulty passing hearing screens, so her ENT decided it would be best for her to go ahead and get ear tubes. Jake & I took her to Vanderbilt on December 27 for what we thought would be a quick, routine surgery. Even though we had heard getting ear tubes had worked wonders for friends' children & was a quick procedure, we were still nervous. Dr. Goudy, Madison's ENT, talked to us before they took Madison back to surgery and said he expected the procedure to be quick. He said he would be in to get us from the waiting room with an update in 15 to 20 minutes.

We waited and waited... and waited some more. Over an hour went by without a word from Dr. Goudy. I began to get really nervous & told Jake that something wasn't right. I knew we should have already been able to see Madison. Finally Dr. Goudy came to talk to us. He said that typically with putting in ear tubes, babies are put to sleep using gas. When they gave the gas to Madison, her vocal chords closed up and she stopped breathing. They got a breathing tube down her throat & were able to put her to sleep using an IV. He said she was taking a little longer to wake up since they had to put her to sleep using the IV.

I felt a little better since the surgery was over. We let our families know that she was out of surgery & we would see her soon. During this time, I didn't realize how serious the situation really was. We didn't know until later when we heard the nurses talking that Madison wasn't able to breathe by herself coming out of surgery. They had her on a ventilator for over 30 minutes until she was able to breathe on her own.

They came to get us to see our sweet baby in recovery. When we got to her bed I couldn't believe the way she looked. She was on oxygen & you could tell she was struggling to breathe. I felt so helpless... they said she was taking a long time to come out of anethesia, but she should wake up soon. So we waited some more with no change. After a couple of hours, the doctors decided that she may need to stay overnight to monitor her oxygen & get her to drink a bottle.

By 4:00 or 5:00 that afternoon we were moved up to a room. By this time, Madison should have been off of oxygen and pretty much back to normal. It was decided that some tests should be run to make sure there weren't any other issues going on. Madison had her nose swabbed and a chest xray. The tests showed that she had RSV. She had no symptoms going into surgery, so we were shocked. But it could explain why she was having trouble breathing coming out of surgery since RSV is a respiratory virus.

Madison had been in daycare for about 3 months by the end of December. She constantly battled colds & illnesses while she was there. Also, she struggled to eat well when she was at daycare. I was stressed out every day while I was at work wondering how she was doing & if she had eaten anything. There were days where they could only get her to drink a few ounces the whole time she was there. Jake & I had to stay up until midnight some nights to try to get extra feedings in for her. I knew she had probably gotten the RSV at daycare.

Several days went by & Madison continued to get worse. I had reached my breaking point & told Jake I wanted to stay home with her. I just could not send her back to daycare only to get sick again. (On a side note, this also would be Madison's 4th hospital stay - more to come in a later post on the other stays). He agreed with me & said we would make it work. It wasn't something that we planned for, but we would do what we had to in order to keep her as healthy as possible. I thought about it for a few more days, then decided to call my boss.

By this time, we had been at Vanderbilt for over a week. I called my boss & just broke down. I told him that I felt like I needed to be home with Madison. He was so understanding, and I appreciate so much the opportunities and support he gave me during my time at FOL. I put my 2 weeks notice in & was able to work from home until my last work day. I was sad that I was leaving my job, but so grateful for the experiences I had & what I learned while there. I also am grateful for the friends I made while there. I love & miss you all!

We ended up being at Vanderbilt for almost 2 weeks. They wanted Madison to be off of oxygen completely before going home. The last couple of days we were there, Madison wouldn't need any oxygen until she got into a deep sleep. Then her stats would drop. We were able to bring her home with an oxygen machine & a monitor for when she slept at night. She is still on oxygen right now & we have a sleep study next week to hopefully figure out why she is needing some oxygen while sleeping.

The decision Jake & I made for me to stay home with Madison is something I will never regret. Since I have been home with her she has thrived. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders & am loving getting to see my sweet baby girl's smiling face all day long. I feel like I'm able to be a better mother & wife than I was when I was working. We are just taking it month by month since this was something we hadn't planned for financially, and I want to take advantage of every second I get to spend with Madison at home.