I like to think that I have a pretty positive outlook on things most of the time. With everything going on with Madison, I try to keep a positive attitude & just trust in God's plan. But there are days like today, where I am just beyond frustrated and tired.
Don't get me wrong, I love being home with Madison. I know that it is the best thing for her right now, and she has done really well since I've been home with her. I pulled her out of daycare to limit the exposure she would have to germs & sickness. For about the last month though, she has been sick with a cold. For the normal child, a cold isn't a big deal. But for Madison, it means getting choked on her drainage and throwing up... a lot & often. So just to vent, if you are sick or have been around anyone that is sick (even a runny nose) - please don't get close to Madison. We have tried so hard to keep her well because she has enough issues going on without being sick on top of it.
Yesterday, she threw up in her car seat on the way to her ENT appointment at Vanderbilt. We had to pull over and change clothes & wipe down the car seat. Today, our rug has gotten thrown up not once, but twice. Oh, and she has thrown up in her crib. If you don't have a child with severe acid reflux, you have no idea how lucky you are. It makes me so frustrated that there are times she can't keep her food / milk down. Then I get upset with her... and that makes things worse. I feel so bad for getting mad at her because she is just a baby. She has no control over it, and I know she doesn't enjoy it either.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and I will get over having a pity party for myself. But like I said, sometimes you just need to vent.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Madison's Birth Story
Today is my first Mother's Day! I'm so very blessed to be able to be Madison's mommy. She is the cutest, sweetest little girl & I love her so much more than I ever thought was possible.
So I decided that instead of writing about today, I would write about how I became a mother...
I had planned out in my head how things would go for my labor / delivery. I would go in to be induced, get an epidural before I was in a lot of pain, and the next day have a healthy baby girl. All my family would get to come in to see her & take pictures. I should know by now things usually don't go as planned.
I went in to be induced at Baptist on Sunday, 6/17/12 (Father's Day) at 8:00pm. They started the medicine to induce labor not long after I got settled in. I had been in the room maybe 10 minutes when Madison's heart rate declined. A lot of nurses came in, repositioned me, put oxygen on me, and her heart rate went back up.
A couple of hours in, I started having some stronger contractions (even thought I never really felt them). Madison's heart rate declined again. The nurse called Dr. Bellardo & let him know what had been going on. At that point, they told me they wanted to go ahead and get the epidural in place in case they needed to access it quickly since Madison's heart rate has declined twice already with contractions.
Not long after they got the epidural in place, her heart rate declined for a third time. So they decided they needed to go ahead and do a C-section. Within 20 minutes, I was in surgery & about to have a baby. I didn't even really have time to be nervous because everything was happening so fast. They told Jake to get the camera ready, and Madison was born at 3:32am on 6/18/12.
It was a good thing Dr. Bellardo went ahead and did a C-section. Madi's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck (which is why her heart rate kept declining with contractions). Her nose was also smashed to one side from the way she was positioned inside me.
I remember after she was delivered listening for her to cry. After probably 30 seconds, I looked at Jake & said "she's not crying." His face just went white & we watched them rush her over to the incubator. Finally she started crying... the nurses got her measurements, and then let us take a picture before taking her to the NICU. She was 7lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long with a head full of hair.
Jake went with her to the NICU, and after surgery I went back to our room. At 3:30 in the morning, we already had a waiting room full of people who wanted to meet Madison. I just remember wanting to be able to hold her and to know what was going on. Before noon that day, we finally got to see her before we went up to the regular room on the 7th floor. I still hadn't gotten to hold her yet.
While we were upstairs waiting to hear what was going on with Madison & when we would get to hold her, I just remember thinking that it didn't even feel like I had had a baby. It didn't seem real. Finally almost 24 hours after having her, I got to hold Madison.
She didn't get to go home from the NICU until 15 days later. Those 2 weeks were so physically & emotionally exhausting for us. But thankfully, she was able to go home. There were babies that had been in the NICU for months. I can't imagine how difficult that is for those parents who have endured that.
I have learned that you can't plan out everything in your life. Even though things didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped for, I was still a mother to the most amazing little girl. I'm so glad I was able to spend my first Mother's Day cuddling and loving on her!
So I decided that instead of writing about today, I would write about how I became a mother...
I had planned out in my head how things would go for my labor / delivery. I would go in to be induced, get an epidural before I was in a lot of pain, and the next day have a healthy baby girl. All my family would get to come in to see her & take pictures. I should know by now things usually don't go as planned.
I went in to be induced at Baptist on Sunday, 6/17/12 (Father's Day) at 8:00pm. They started the medicine to induce labor not long after I got settled in. I had been in the room maybe 10 minutes when Madison's heart rate declined. A lot of nurses came in, repositioned me, put oxygen on me, and her heart rate went back up.
A couple of hours in, I started having some stronger contractions (even thought I never really felt them). Madison's heart rate declined again. The nurse called Dr. Bellardo & let him know what had been going on. At that point, they told me they wanted to go ahead and get the epidural in place in case they needed to access it quickly since Madison's heart rate has declined twice already with contractions.
Not long after they got the epidural in place, her heart rate declined for a third time. So they decided they needed to go ahead and do a C-section. Within 20 minutes, I was in surgery & about to have a baby. I didn't even really have time to be nervous because everything was happening so fast. They told Jake to get the camera ready, and Madison was born at 3:32am on 6/18/12.
It was a good thing Dr. Bellardo went ahead and did a C-section. Madi's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck (which is why her heart rate kept declining with contractions). Her nose was also smashed to one side from the way she was positioned inside me.
I remember after she was delivered listening for her to cry. After probably 30 seconds, I looked at Jake & said "she's not crying." His face just went white & we watched them rush her over to the incubator. Finally she started crying... the nurses got her measurements, and then let us take a picture before taking her to the NICU. She was 7lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long with a head full of hair.
Jake went with her to the NICU, and after surgery I went back to our room. At 3:30 in the morning, we already had a waiting room full of people who wanted to meet Madison. I just remember wanting to be able to hold her and to know what was going on. Before noon that day, we finally got to see her before we went up to the regular room on the 7th floor. I still hadn't gotten to hold her yet.
While we were upstairs waiting to hear what was going on with Madison & when we would get to hold her, I just remember thinking that it didn't even feel like I had had a baby. It didn't seem real. Finally almost 24 hours after having her, I got to hold Madison.
She didn't get to go home from the NICU until 15 days later. Those 2 weeks were so physically & emotionally exhausting for us. But thankfully, she was able to go home. There were babies that had been in the NICU for months. I can't imagine how difficult that is for those parents who have endured that.
I have learned that you can't plan out everything in your life. Even though things didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped for, I was still a mother to the most amazing little girl. I'm so glad I was able to spend my first Mother's Day cuddling and loving on her!
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