I like to think that I have a pretty positive outlook on things most of the time. With everything going on with Madison, I try to keep a positive attitude & just trust in God's plan. But there are days like today, where I am just beyond frustrated and tired.
Don't get me wrong, I love being home with Madison. I know that it is the best thing for her right now, and she has done really well since I've been home with her. I pulled her out of daycare to limit the exposure she would have to germs & sickness. For about the last month though, she has been sick with a cold. For the normal child, a cold isn't a big deal. But for Madison, it means getting choked on her drainage and throwing up... a lot & often. So just to vent, if you are sick or have been around anyone that is sick (even a runny nose) - please don't get close to Madison. We have tried so hard to keep her well because she has enough issues going on without being sick on top of it.
Yesterday, she threw up in her car seat on the way to her ENT appointment at Vanderbilt. We had to pull over and change clothes & wipe down the car seat. Today, our rug has gotten thrown up not once, but twice. Oh, and she has thrown up in her crib. If you don't have a child with severe acid reflux, you have no idea how lucky you are. It makes me so frustrated that there are times she can't keep her food / milk down. Then I get upset with her... and that makes things worse. I feel so bad for getting mad at her because she is just a baby. She has no control over it, and I know she doesn't enjoy it either.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and I will get over having a pity party for myself. But like I said, sometimes you just need to vent.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Madison's Birth Story
Today is my first Mother's Day! I'm so very blessed to be able to be Madison's mommy. She is the cutest, sweetest little girl & I love her so much more than I ever thought was possible.
So I decided that instead of writing about today, I would write about how I became a mother...
I had planned out in my head how things would go for my labor / delivery. I would go in to be induced, get an epidural before I was in a lot of pain, and the next day have a healthy baby girl. All my family would get to come in to see her & take pictures. I should know by now things usually don't go as planned.
I went in to be induced at Baptist on Sunday, 6/17/12 (Father's Day) at 8:00pm. They started the medicine to induce labor not long after I got settled in. I had been in the room maybe 10 minutes when Madison's heart rate declined. A lot of nurses came in, repositioned me, put oxygen on me, and her heart rate went back up.
A couple of hours in, I started having some stronger contractions (even thought I never really felt them). Madison's heart rate declined again. The nurse called Dr. Bellardo & let him know what had been going on. At that point, they told me they wanted to go ahead and get the epidural in place in case they needed to access it quickly since Madison's heart rate has declined twice already with contractions.
Not long after they got the epidural in place, her heart rate declined for a third time. So they decided they needed to go ahead and do a C-section. Within 20 minutes, I was in surgery & about to have a baby. I didn't even really have time to be nervous because everything was happening so fast. They told Jake to get the camera ready, and Madison was born at 3:32am on 6/18/12.
It was a good thing Dr. Bellardo went ahead and did a C-section. Madi's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck (which is why her heart rate kept declining with contractions). Her nose was also smashed to one side from the way she was positioned inside me.
I remember after she was delivered listening for her to cry. After probably 30 seconds, I looked at Jake & said "she's not crying." His face just went white & we watched them rush her over to the incubator. Finally she started crying... the nurses got her measurements, and then let us take a picture before taking her to the NICU. She was 7lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long with a head full of hair.
Jake went with her to the NICU, and after surgery I went back to our room. At 3:30 in the morning, we already had a waiting room full of people who wanted to meet Madison. I just remember wanting to be able to hold her and to know what was going on. Before noon that day, we finally got to see her before we went up to the regular room on the 7th floor. I still hadn't gotten to hold her yet.
While we were upstairs waiting to hear what was going on with Madison & when we would get to hold her, I just remember thinking that it didn't even feel like I had had a baby. It didn't seem real. Finally almost 24 hours after having her, I got to hold Madison.
She didn't get to go home from the NICU until 15 days later. Those 2 weeks were so physically & emotionally exhausting for us. But thankfully, she was able to go home. There were babies that had been in the NICU for months. I can't imagine how difficult that is for those parents who have endured that.
I have learned that you can't plan out everything in your life. Even though things didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped for, I was still a mother to the most amazing little girl. I'm so glad I was able to spend my first Mother's Day cuddling and loving on her!
So I decided that instead of writing about today, I would write about how I became a mother...
I had planned out in my head how things would go for my labor / delivery. I would go in to be induced, get an epidural before I was in a lot of pain, and the next day have a healthy baby girl. All my family would get to come in to see her & take pictures. I should know by now things usually don't go as planned.
I went in to be induced at Baptist on Sunday, 6/17/12 (Father's Day) at 8:00pm. They started the medicine to induce labor not long after I got settled in. I had been in the room maybe 10 minutes when Madison's heart rate declined. A lot of nurses came in, repositioned me, put oxygen on me, and her heart rate went back up.
A couple of hours in, I started having some stronger contractions (even thought I never really felt them). Madison's heart rate declined again. The nurse called Dr. Bellardo & let him know what had been going on. At that point, they told me they wanted to go ahead and get the epidural in place in case they needed to access it quickly since Madison's heart rate has declined twice already with contractions.
Not long after they got the epidural in place, her heart rate declined for a third time. So they decided they needed to go ahead and do a C-section. Within 20 minutes, I was in surgery & about to have a baby. I didn't even really have time to be nervous because everything was happening so fast. They told Jake to get the camera ready, and Madison was born at 3:32am on 6/18/12.
It was a good thing Dr. Bellardo went ahead and did a C-section. Madi's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck (which is why her heart rate kept declining with contractions). Her nose was also smashed to one side from the way she was positioned inside me.
I remember after she was delivered listening for her to cry. After probably 30 seconds, I looked at Jake & said "she's not crying." His face just went white & we watched them rush her over to the incubator. Finally she started crying... the nurses got her measurements, and then let us take a picture before taking her to the NICU. She was 7lbs 3oz and 20.5 inches long with a head full of hair.
Jake went with her to the NICU, and after surgery I went back to our room. At 3:30 in the morning, we already had a waiting room full of people who wanted to meet Madison. I just remember wanting to be able to hold her and to know what was going on. Before noon that day, we finally got to see her before we went up to the regular room on the 7th floor. I still hadn't gotten to hold her yet.
While we were upstairs waiting to hear what was going on with Madison & when we would get to hold her, I just remember thinking that it didn't even feel like I had had a baby. It didn't seem real. Finally almost 24 hours after having her, I got to hold Madison.
She didn't get to go home from the NICU until 15 days later. Those 2 weeks were so physically & emotionally exhausting for us. But thankfully, she was able to go home. There were babies that had been in the NICU for months. I can't imagine how difficult that is for those parents who have endured that.
I have learned that you can't plan out everything in your life. Even though things didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped for, I was still a mother to the most amazing little girl. I'm so glad I was able to spend my first Mother's Day cuddling and loving on her!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Thankful
Today has been a laid-back, relaxing day for us. We didn't go to church this morning because Madison still has a bad cough & a constant runny nose. She has slept a lot today, but when she's been awake we have had a really good day.
She has learned to play peek-a-boo if you put a blanket over her head. It's so sweet! Today she also was able to go from sitting on to her hands & knees. She's learning something new all the time!
This week has been pretty hard for me. Taking care of a baby who isn't feeling well can be challenging at times. Madison also had several doctor's appointments this week, and we have some challenges ahead of us coming out of those appointments. But today while she's been napping I've had some time to just sit & think. Despite life's challenges, there is always something to be thankful for.
Madison has overcome a lot of obstacles in the 10 months she's been in this world, and I am so thankful every single day for the progress she has made. I knew I would be so in love with her when she was born, but I could never imagine how much! I am so thankful that God allowed Jake & I to be her parents, and I could not imagine life without her.
On top of that, we have been so blessed with family & friends. I know that I can always count on my family through the good times and bad. I am thankful that I have parents that I can call anytime & talk to about anything. When I'm upset or needing to talk, the first people I want to talk to besides Jake are my mom and dad.
Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for God. Through this past year, there have been a lot of times I haven't understood why things were happening. But I believe my faith has grown stronger through everything. We have had definite reminders that God is in control and He has plans for our lives & Madison's. We just have to remember to trust Him. We may not always understand, but we just have to continue to trust.
When you are having a rough time and feeling discouraged, just remember to count your blessings. It will put things in perspective & help you to remember you always have something to be thankful for.
She has learned to play peek-a-boo if you put a blanket over her head. It's so sweet! Today she also was able to go from sitting on to her hands & knees. She's learning something new all the time!
This week has been pretty hard for me. Taking care of a baby who isn't feeling well can be challenging at times. Madison also had several doctor's appointments this week, and we have some challenges ahead of us coming out of those appointments. But today while she's been napping I've had some time to just sit & think. Despite life's challenges, there is always something to be thankful for.
Madison has overcome a lot of obstacles in the 10 months she's been in this world, and I am so thankful every single day for the progress she has made. I knew I would be so in love with her when she was born, but I could never imagine how much! I am so thankful that God allowed Jake & I to be her parents, and I could not imagine life without her.
On top of that, we have been so blessed with family & friends. I know that I can always count on my family through the good times and bad. I am thankful that I have parents that I can call anytime & talk to about anything. When I'm upset or needing to talk, the first people I want to talk to besides Jake are my mom and dad.
Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for God. Through this past year, there have been a lot of times I haven't understood why things were happening. But I believe my faith has grown stronger through everything. We have had definite reminders that God is in control and He has plans for our lives & Madison's. We just have to remember to trust Him. We may not always understand, but we just have to continue to trust.
When you are having a rough time and feeling discouraged, just remember to count your blessings. It will put things in perspective & help you to remember you always have something to be thankful for.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Crazy Day
Today did not go as I had planned (I find that happening a whole lot more now that I have a child). Madison had an appointment scheduled with a crainiofacial doctor at Vanderbilt at 8:30 this morning. This is around the time I get her up, so we had a much earlier morning than usual. We got up at 5:30 to do her morning routine of reflux medicine / wait 30 minutes / 8 oz bottle.
First problem... she was running a low-grade temperature, had a horrible cough, and was congested. This was an important appointment though, so we went ahead and got ready to leave.
Second problem... I put her in the car seat, buckle her up, and shut the door. No sooner have I went around the car and opened my door, I look inside and she is throwing up. All over her... all over the back seat... all in her car seat...
Jake changes her clothes while I wipe down the car seat the best I can. I know she can't help it, but it is so frustrating, especially since she hasn't done this in a long time. (It used to happen multiple times a week). Anytime she is really congested, she almost gets strangled on the drainage. That combined with her acid reflux is a bad combination.
So we finally get going to meet my mom who thankfully was able to go with me to her appointment.
Third problem... she throws up AGAIN in the car seat on the way to meet mama.
Fast forward to her crainiofacial appointment. Good news - no surgery needed. Not so great news - he recommends her wearing a helmet to shape her head. So I call the clinic to get her fitted for a helmet, and they have an opening at noon.
Fourth problem... I am down to one burp cloth, one blanket, and one clean outfit. At the rate Madison went through linens / clothes during the morning, she may have to go in her diaper to get fitted for her helmet.
Luckily, no major issues until her noon appointment or on the way home after. We go back next week to get her helmet (might I add it's light pink & I may have to just hot glue a bow on it).
She's a couple of months past the age they typically would like to have babies in a helmet, but they think we will still see some improvement & some rounding of the back of her head. She will have to wear it 24 / 7 for about 6 months. I was happy to hear that we can take it off for pictures / special occasions!
Fifth problem... insurance won't cover a helmet for a baby unless they have had head surgery. So we are out $1,500.
This afternoon we went to our 3rd doctor's appointment for the day since she wasn't feeling well. Luckily, the RSV test was negative, so they think it's just a bad cold.
Hoping my baby feels better tomorrow & we have a calmer day!
First problem... she was running a low-grade temperature, had a horrible cough, and was congested. This was an important appointment though, so we went ahead and got ready to leave.
Second problem... I put her in the car seat, buckle her up, and shut the door. No sooner have I went around the car and opened my door, I look inside and she is throwing up. All over her... all over the back seat... all in her car seat...
Jake changes her clothes while I wipe down the car seat the best I can. I know she can't help it, but it is so frustrating, especially since she hasn't done this in a long time. (It used to happen multiple times a week). Anytime she is really congested, she almost gets strangled on the drainage. That combined with her acid reflux is a bad combination.
So we finally get going to meet my mom who thankfully was able to go with me to her appointment.
Third problem... she throws up AGAIN in the car seat on the way to meet mama.
Fast forward to her crainiofacial appointment. Good news - no surgery needed. Not so great news - he recommends her wearing a helmet to shape her head. So I call the clinic to get her fitted for a helmet, and they have an opening at noon.
Fourth problem... I am down to one burp cloth, one blanket, and one clean outfit. At the rate Madison went through linens / clothes during the morning, she may have to go in her diaper to get fitted for her helmet.
Luckily, no major issues until her noon appointment or on the way home after. We go back next week to get her helmet (might I add it's light pink & I may have to just hot glue a bow on it).
She's a couple of months past the age they typically would like to have babies in a helmet, but they think we will still see some improvement & some rounding of the back of her head. She will have to wear it 24 / 7 for about 6 months. I was happy to hear that we can take it off for pictures / special occasions!
Fifth problem... insurance won't cover a helmet for a baby unless they have had head surgery. So we are out $1,500.
This afternoon we went to our 3rd doctor's appointment for the day since she wasn't feeling well. Luckily, the RSV test was negative, so they think it's just a bad cold.
Hoping my baby feels better tomorrow & we have a calmer day!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Cleaning Schedule
I live by my planner. If I want to make sure to get something done, I write it down. So when I decided to stay home with Madison, I made out a cleaning schedule to hang on the refrigerator. I have daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly chores mapped out. I knew if I just focused on a few things each day instead of trying to clean my whole house in one sitting that I could keep up with everything.
This may seem silly to some people, but when you are home with a baby there are days when if you get the bed made you are doing good.
MONDAY:
Laundry (clothes & towels)
TUESDAY:
Bathrooms
Windows / Mirrors
WEDNESDAY:
Dust
Vacuum & mop floors
THURSDAY:
Clean out fridge / pantry
Wipe down kitchen surfaces
Wipe inside of oven, fridge, and microwave
Empty trash / wipe down trash cans
FRIDAY:
Laundry (clothes & sheets / pillowcases)
SATURDAY / SUNDAY:
Catch up day
Store list / store
It has really helped me to keep on top of the housework & it doesn't take a lot of time each day to get everything on my list done. I also have more time on the weekends to spend time with Jake, family, & friends instead of spending all day on Saturday cleaning.
I also have some things that I do once a month & every 3 months. It's more of your "deep cleaning" like cleaning grout, baseboards / molding, organizing cabinets, etc.
If you're having a hard time getting everything you need to done, I really would recommend making out some sort of schedule & placing it where you will see it every day. Once you get into the habit of doing it each week, it becomes second nature.
DAILY:
Make bed(s)
Pick up any clutter
Dishes
Sweep kitchen
MONDAY:
Laundry (clothes & towels)
TUESDAY:
Bathrooms
Windows / Mirrors
WEDNESDAY:
Dust
Vacuum & mop floors
THURSDAY:
Clean out fridge / pantry
Wipe down kitchen surfaces
Wipe inside of oven, fridge, and microwave
Empty trash / wipe down trash cans
FRIDAY:
Laundry (clothes & sheets / pillowcases)
SATURDAY / SUNDAY:
Catch up day
Store list / store
It has really helped me to keep on top of the housework & it doesn't take a lot of time each day to get everything on my list done. I also have more time on the weekends to spend time with Jake, family, & friends instead of spending all day on Saturday cleaning.
I also have some things that I do once a month & every 3 months. It's more of your "deep cleaning" like cleaning grout, baseboards / molding, organizing cabinets, etc.
If you're having a hard time getting everything you need to done, I really would recommend making out some sort of schedule & placing it where you will see it every day. Once you get into the habit of doing it each week, it becomes second nature.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
CT Scan
Very good news! Madison's CT Scan results came back normal! There was no bone fusion in her skull, and her brain looked normal. She has a flat spot on the back of her head, but it's not in the typical place a flat spot usually is in a baby. So her pediatrician is referring her to a craniofacial specialist at Vanderbilt. (I think this makes doctor #7 for Madison now... ) He wants them to evaulate her to see if they think anything needs to be done.
Even though it seems like we will get one issue resolved with Madison & another comes up, I'm so grateful for how healthy she has been since the beginning of the year. When we were at Vanderbilt last week getting her scan done, I saw many other children with much worse problems than we have dealt with. It really puts things in perspective... I thank God every day for my sweet, beautiful little girl that He has blessed me with & am so glad her CT results came back normal!
We are still waiting on the results from the sleep study, and we have an appointment with her pulmonary doctor next week. Hopefully we will get some answers then!
Even though it seems like we will get one issue resolved with Madison & another comes up, I'm so grateful for how healthy she has been since the beginning of the year. When we were at Vanderbilt last week getting her scan done, I saw many other children with much worse problems than we have dealt with. It really puts things in perspective... I thank God every day for my sweet, beautiful little girl that He has blessed me with & am so glad her CT results came back normal!
We are still waiting on the results from the sleep study, and we have an appointment with her pulmonary doctor next week. Hopefully we will get some answers then!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Easter
Madison had a great first Easter! She got to celebrate Easter 2 different weekends...
The Sunday before Easter we celebrated with Jake's family since they would all be out-of-town on Easter. Madison had an Easter basket from her Granny & Pa, and she got to play with her cousins!
We went to church at Rock Springs & Madison was so good during the service. Then we went to my parents' house for lunch. Madison opened her presents from Mimi & Papa, and she really liked her sunglasses!
Of course the day didn't go without any hiccups... Madison threw up in the car on the way to church. Luckily I was able to catch most of it in a blanket instead of it getting on her pretty new Easter dress!
We had such a great day spending time with family! We ate at my Gigi's house for an early supper, and I absolutely love how close the "Williams family" is! Every time we get together (which is pretty often), it's all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins. It gets a little hectic & loud at times, but I love it! I'm so glad Madison is able to grow up with that because there aren't many extended families who experience that kind of closeness.
As Madison gets older, I want to make sure she knows the real meaning of Easter and what it represents. The easter baskets, egg hunts, and family dinners are great & fun, but none of that compares to the real meaning behind Easter. It's a celebration of Jesus dying for our sins & being resurrected. I hope everyone had a great Easter and got to spend time with their loved ones, but take a minute and reflect on what the meaning behind Easter means to you & say a prayer of thanks.
The Sunday before Easter we celebrated with Jake's family since they would all be out-of-town on Easter. Madison had an Easter basket from her Granny & Pa, and she got to play with her cousins!
Easter morning, Madison looked her at Easter basket from the Easter Bunny... she wasn't really excited about it, but I think next year will be fun :) She will also get to hunt Easter eggs next year!
We went to church at Rock Springs & Madison was so good during the service. Then we went to my parents' house for lunch. Madison opened her presents from Mimi & Papa, and she really liked her sunglasses!
Of course the day didn't go without any hiccups... Madison threw up in the car on the way to church. Luckily I was able to catch most of it in a blanket instead of it getting on her pretty new Easter dress!
We had such a great day spending time with family! We ate at my Gigi's house for an early supper, and I absolutely love how close the "Williams family" is! Every time we get together (which is pretty often), it's all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins. It gets a little hectic & loud at times, but I love it! I'm so glad Madison is able to grow up with that because there aren't many extended families who experience that kind of closeness.
As Madison gets older, I want to make sure she knows the real meaning of Easter and what it represents. The easter baskets, egg hunts, and family dinners are great & fun, but none of that compares to the real meaning behind Easter. It's a celebration of Jesus dying for our sins & being resurrected. I hope everyone had a great Easter and got to spend time with their loved ones, but take a minute and reflect on what the meaning behind Easter means to you & say a prayer of thanks.
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